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A PROMISE FOR DESTINY

CHAPTER 1

My name is Anne McGee-Ambler.

As I sit here looking out over the Adirondack Mountains, I realize that I am not a worldly person. My journey through life has not taken me very far from the place I call home. Life was supposed to be simple here, less complicated. A nun at my Catholic school once told me that by living here, I was as close to God as anyone could be without dying.

With all that has happened to me, I now believe it has all been a lie. Living could not be any more complicated and I question if there even is a God. In spite of the horrible thing I did to my father, for the first time in my life I have questioned my sense of morality and my reason for living. I am alone, bewildered and betrayed. Where is this so-called “God?”

I just finished reading a letter, a confession, from a man I grew to trust, to understand, to admire, to respect, and to love. Yesterday my husband, Lucas, mysteriously asked me to come to this place, a place he called “holy,” a place unknown to anyone, even me, until today. It was here that I found the letter.

As I sit here on this cold, hard rock, high above my homeland, the early June afternoon sun can barely break through the darkness that surrounds me. The warm southerly breeze cannot pierce the coldness in my heart. Not more than fifty feet behind me are the makeshift graves of my two sisters.

Today, I must make one of the most important ethical and moral decisions of my life. I wish I were a teenager again. I wish it were the sixties. I wish I were back in grade school. Compared to now, things were much easier and less complicated. I knew right from wrong. My parents spelled it out for me. My pastor and the nuns always had a formula to apply to determine good from bad. Whatever the answer would be, I would not have to fear the wrath of God. I would always be able to rationalize my decision. It would be simple and final. My conscience would be clear.

I am hurt, angry and very confused. I can only think about how terribly he hurt me. How could he have deceived me so? Why did he lie to me? Does he love me? Did he ever really love any of us? How could he ever say, ‘I love you?’

If only I could look beyond my anger, I might be able to make sense of it all. “God, if you are really out there, please help me to understand!”

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